Let's Get Engaged

Sometimes, people describe a Family Constellation experience as “powerful” or even “transformative.” I am always happy to hear, of course, though I don’t really know what it means at the time.

Like a good film, did it make you cry or laugh? Were you moved in the moments of its unfolding?

Or …

Did the experience awaken a fresh dialogue with the world? A dialogue that can be sustained outside the sphere of the strong intentions of the facilitator and circle of service?

The answer is usually behind Door #1. Once we are no longer the center of intention, we drift away from centering our attention on the more generative ways in which we might participate in the world. We hope and pray that the medicine will take and that we will be changed. But participating in the change we seek remains unattractive or irritating. We are still looking for magic.

Great movie. Powerful. But after the credits rolled, even a little before, the mind and heart were already withdrawing.

The same folks who describe Constellation through the lens of ecstatic epiphany are likely to return with the report: It didn’t work.

In life, then, the work was neither powerful nor transformative. The facilitator can be cautious about embarking on this ride. Family Constellation opens a door to new dialogue -- with the past, with the present, with the future -- and we all must remain engaged, keep walking through. This is our responsibility and gift. This is our part.

Being a passive recipient of a miracle happens. The man who was struck by lightning and woke up a virtuoso pianist and composer. When the brain is struck by lightning, the massive electrical jolt alters brain chemistry. This trauma causes the brain to reorganize as it heals. Amazing. But many of us squander a lifetime in the search for lightning. Of course, he did not.

Powerful, transformative. For me these words allude to expression, to movement, to engagement. In the humble, incremental encounters with my mother and father, with my lonely and angry younger selves, the door that opened some 20 years ago in a Family Constellation, there continues to be a gentle insistence on expansion. I continue to insist. Often falter. Notice small triumphs. Keep insisting. Again and again, I need not stand at the threshold forever. This is my loving devotion, powerful and transformative.